Kidney Stones of Life

        Those of us, who haven’t personally experienced kidney stones, have heard of the painfully perilous attempts to get rid of the merciless little buggers. 

Basically a kidney stone is a monster created by someone’s body, and presents itself by being where it shouldn’t be while causing great annoyance to whomever and whatever it comes in contact with. 

        Well, my brother surmises that kidney stones not only exist inside the body, but outside of it as well. In fact he has given so much thought to it that he could present an entire seminar on how to identify, deal with and survive them. 

        It all boils down to the saying “Blessed are those who are pleasant to live with”.   Yes, I’m talking about people who make your life, and everyone else’s life, miserable. 

Let me begin by saying, he attributes his wisdom and understanding to years of observation, experience and in a few instances, revelations obtained while listening to the radio on his way to and from work.  After my sister and I inquired as to where he gained his knowledge, we exchanged stares of aggravation, knowing we had paid for years of therapy to obtain the same understanding.  (I guess “his Mama didn’t raise no fool” but then, we wonder what that makes us.) 

                Yes, some people are like the Kidney Stones of life ….you see them coming and your body and mind scramble to survival mode, fight or flight.  Flight usually wins as you do your best to avoid them.  They’re everywhere; at work, class and family reunions and yes, some of them even show up at church.

 I suppose it’s encouraging they come to church, but usually these people lack introspective ability.  They are (and I quote my brother) the “Junior Holy Spirits” who, unlike you and other church members, personally receive messages from God on how to run and organize the church and everyone in it.  They have been personally ‘touched by angels’, ordained by God and blessed with the discernment of the Holy Spirit to recognize the “slackers, sliders and degenerates” of the congregation.  It is their mission, and theirs alone, to beat others into submission and repentance. 

To avoid these stoney people at work, you can duck into a closet, crawl under a desk, or escape to the restroom to spend the next five minutes standing on the toilet seat in a locked stall.   But, if they see you first you’re out of luck and they follow you into your office to dump their negative energy and stories of their unpleasant toxic lives.  There’s nothing quite like the boss who spends his workday trying to create disharmony and dissention among his employees or the fellow worker who must divulge every detail of their previous night’s diarrhea episode.   

They “go through life sideways”, repeating the same mistakes and wondering why their life isn’t different.  It’s always about them.  They show up for gatherings, with the words ‘center of the universe’ stamped on their foreheads.   These people are the first to take offense to something someone said in a conversation on which they were eaves dropping.  Usually the conversation had nothing to do with them, but they assume it was about them because they believe nobody likes them.  They are quick to express they didn’t want to attend the gathering anyway, and after a display of drama laced with tears, anger and a few choice words, they stomp out leaving a wake of traumatized people in their path.

In my brother’s words, “In the annals of life there are those people who you see coming and you just want them to pass through as quickly and painlessly as possible.”